And on the 8th Day, Man made Beer... Part II

And lo, after two weeks had passed they did gather once more, for the Beer was ready to be bottled.  And they did take yon carboy full of Baby Beer, and transferred it thusly into individual bottles that they may drink of it two weeks hence.  And the Men were happy and there was much rejoicing, for the Men saw that it was good.  And those labels were a pretty sweet touch, too.

This is what a couple weeks of yeast can do for you.

We brought the carboy up from the basement and gathered all the equipment.  Bottling Day was upon us!

The siphoning has begun!

You can see all the residue on the sides of the carboy.  That is a normal part of the brewing process, it shows that the yeast has done what it was meant to do.  But you also don't want that sludge in your final product, so you have to siphon out the good stuff and leave the rest behind.

Yes, we used a child's book to tilt the carboy.

Tilt the carboy so you can get all of the good stuff and none of the... not so good stuff.  The trick here is definitely to get as much of the beer as possible without any of the sludge.  After transferring the beer into the bucket we stirred in a small amount of a sugar/water mixture.  Over the next two weeks in the sealed bottle this will add the carbonation to our beer.

And we are bottling!

Next up we attached the bottling spigot to the siphon tube and Matt started filling the bottles.  The instructions said to leave about an inch of space at the top of the bottle.

Matt was a little too good at filling the bottles to the same height.

Above you can see all the bottles we were able to fill.  Not too shabby, really. Almost four dozen bottles of nut brown ale!

Sanitize your bottle caps, you heathens!

We cleaned the bottle caps and we were ready to cap the beer.  We're so close it's amazing!  And then Matt and Rachel had a surprise for us...

 

Don't ask, just drink.

They got labels made for the bottles!  These things look almost professional.  Notice the use of multiple colors and a name for our brewing company.  So you know it's good.

Neck labels, people!  Neck labels!

That's right, neck labels.  This beer couldn't get any more professional at this point.

Sealing in the goodness.

The last thing to do was put on the caps, stick on the labels, and box the bottles.  Here's the final look:

Brings a tear to the eye, doesn't it?

We took the boxes of freshly bottled brew down to the basement to sit for two more weeks.  The beer will carbonate (carbonize?) and we'll do our first sampling in early March.  It will be just like Beer Christmas!

The Alpha.

Above is the very first completed bottle of Gilwapo Brewing's inaugural brew.  We call this bottle simply: The Alpha.

Results will be published soon!

And on the 8th Day, Man made Beer... Part I

The place: Wauwatosa.  The day: February 4, 2012.  They came from as far away as Pewaukee and... other parts of Wauwatosa.  They came with one mission: to make Beer.  Oh, and eat chili for dinner.  Two missions.  They came to make Beer and eat chili, but really mostly to make Beer.  And have fun, but that kind of goes without saying.  So technically three missions, but really two missions, and let's be honest just one truly important mission: to make Beer.  This is their story...

Matt shows off the bucket, which sports a sideways spigot.  Can you say first time brewers?

Pay no attention the sideways spigot - we may have had a beer or two before we started.  Beside the bucket you can see the carboy with the Fermometer affixed to the side.  Yay beer puns!

Everything you need to make beer, or start the Spanish Inquisition.

To make quality beer one needs quality equipment.  Barring that, try using the paraphernalia you see in the photo above.  Don't act like you haven't used all of those things on the occasional Saturday night...

Steep the grains!

First thing to do is steep the grains.  Our inaugural brew is a nut brown ale.  Doesn't that look great?

"Give us beer!"

The natives started getting very restless.  Their demand was simple, yet passionate: Give us Beer!

Phase II: Warm Liquid Goo Phase

After the grains steeped for a while, we removed the sack and stirred in the rest of the ingredients.

"Mild, woody, and fruity"

After adding the hops and giving a final stir, it was time for an ice bath.

Chill out, nut brown ale.

So far each step had been relatively simple.  But this is where things started to get a little more complicated.  Bring on the Spanish Inquisition!

Bung, front and center.

As you are making beer, the biggest threat to a successful brew is contamination.  So all the equipment you see above had to be very clean.  Enter the bottle of sanitizer.

Can you really blame her for that glass of wine?

We filled the bucket with water and mixed in some sanitizer, then cleaned all the equipment.  Then we siphoned the cleaning solution down into the carboy to make sure it was completely clean.

Hooray gravity!

With everything squeaky clean we had to get the brew (still chilling in its ice bath) into the carboy.  The funnel was very helpful for this task.

"Steady... steady... I SAID STEADY!"

Our Baby Beer was safely tucked away in the carboy.  Next we added yeast and the night was almost over.

F*cking gorgeous.

After adding the yeast, we sealed off the top to keep outside contaminants from getting in.  The yeast need two weeks to work their magic.

Men at work.

We took the Beer down to the basement because the instructions said to store in a dark, quiet place.  We tucked it away safely in the corner and admired a job well done.

Do your thing, yeast.

The next step will be to bottle the beer, but that will come in Part II.

God bless you, Baby Beer.

To be continued...

Millenium Falcon

This entry is dedicated to a young Jedi knight living near Paris.  May the Force be with you, Emmit...

A long time ago (early February) in a galaxy far, far away (Wisconsin)...

You've never heard of the Millenium Falcon? It's the ship that made the Kessel Run in less than 12 parsecs.  So you know it's good.  So good, in fact, that Lego offers a delightful version that you can construct yourself.  Here's what the process looks like.

You read this right, folks.  1,254 pieces.  It also says Ages 9-14, but that's a typo.  I'm pretty sure it was supposed to say 9-30...

Ok so here we have all the contents, including a fully functional hyperdrive.  You gotta have a fully functional hyperdrive or you'll never make the jump into hyperspace.

Above you see the people included in the set.  For those of you unfamiliar with the Star Wars oeuvre, allow me to introduce these characters and give you some quick background info.

The Players (from left to right):

• Luke Skywalker - Let's just say this kid has some Daddy issues and leave it at that.
• Obi-Wan Kenobi - Just the guy you want if you need to go to Mos Eisley.
• Chewbacca - If you think about it, he's naked except for the bandolier.  Probably best not to think about it.
• Han Solo - He's a scoundrel, but he looks a lot like Indiana Jones so the ladies love him.
• Princess Leia - She has so many Daddy issues she kissed her brother.  
• Darth Vader - He doesn't even have a Daddy.  Not enough space here to go into his issues.

That's a quick rundown of that motley crew.  Now let's get to the good part - the Millenium Falcon!  I put in the DVD for Episode IV A New Hope and started building...

The layout is starting to take shape!

She may not look like much, but she's got it where it counts.
 

It's really starting to take shape now.  All we need now are a roof and front pieces.

Won't be long now!

Et voila!

The final piece went into place about 25 minutes into Return of the Jedi.  Pretty nice Sunday afternoon if you ask me.

Check out the control consoles.  It turns out the Millenium Falcon had a QWERTY keyboard.

This set was an absolute blast to put together.  If you are a Star Wars fan and/or a Lego fan, you can't go wrong with this one.  Put the movies on TV and take a trip down memory lane.

Captioning the Louvre

It's a well known fact that I'm a culture vulture. Therefore it will come as no surprise to any of you that during my brief stay here in Paris one of my first orders of business was to visit the Musee du Louvre.

From ancient Greek sculpture to Italian Renaissance painting and more, the Musee du Louvre is an art lover's paradise. With literally thousands of works of art on display, there's no way you can see everything in one day. Don't overwhelm yourself by rushing around trying to take in such a vast collection. If you take your time and stop to observe the art, I mean really contemplate it, you'll have a much richer experience. And if you listen closely, you just might hear the art speaking to you...

Welcome to the Louvre!  I hope you like stairs.  And lines.

Not bad for Paris in December.

"Ow my back!"

"Is it your back?"

"Yes it's my damn back!"

"Kiss me.  Kiss me like you mean it, you filthy winged bitch!"

"Will you play with me?  I promise not to tear you to shreds if you score on me.  Really I promise."

"Check out my pecs.  Hey have you seen my beach ball?  Sigh, never mind..."

"We're gonna need a bigger boat!"

"Who needs arms and face when you can fly?"

"Hey you there!  Yes you, with the camera.  Do you think you could scratch my nose real quick?  Please, just a quick scratch?  Come on I know you can hear me.  Come on, just... dammit come on!"

"Yeah and then Paula was all like - oh hang on a second, I got a pebble in my sandal.  Just gotta unlace real quick and then we'll be back on our way.  Anyway where was I?  Oh that's right.  Paula was all like- what's that?  Come on, Stanley, you know I always like to go walking with as little on as possible.  Since when did you get weird when a guy aired it out a little bit?  Hmm?  Why yes these are new sandals!  Thank you for noticing!  Ok so anyway, Paula was all like..."

"Ok nobody smile.  Did anyone smile?  Ok, good."

"So I told Becky, 'Becky,' I says, 'I'll go to the Louvre with you but I will not look at that silly painting.  I'll stand there with my Louis Vuitton clutch and I'll look at anything and everything but that silly Mona Lisa.  You just watch me.' What's that?  Well yes I said it right to her face and now here we are.  That's the God's honest truth, Gary."

"Phillip, do you think I'm pretty?  Please tell me you think I'm pretty, Phillip."

"Dammit, Eric, I said not in front of the kids!  I don't care if you are going off to war!"
"Oh yeah, that feels good, you like that..."
"Oh God I wish a man would touch me like that!"

"Oh you think you've got problems?  Well I can't get off unless a snake bites me in the tit.  So pardon me if I don't really feel bad for all the foot fetishists out there.  This snake thing is painful, and creepy, and weird, and... and... oh God I needed that.

"Yeah I invented going goth as a teenager.  You can call me Nightblood."

"What?  Lots of guys have one of these."

"Thank you!  You know, it does look good at this length, doesn't it?"

"You are what you eat!  Hehe puns!"

"Oh no you didn't, girl!  I know you know better than to talk to me when I'm digging with my shovel!"
"Jazz hands!" 

"TGIF, mother fffff- oh god what the hell is happening this weekend?!"

"Dude, what the F is going on over there?  Is that a-"
"Shhh, just go with it..."

"Look I know Francine is an emotional girl, but does she really have to get her boobs out every time someone dies?  I mean really, Francine, it's getting a little old already.  We get it."

"Where do you think Paris Hilton got the idea?"

"Soooo... where are we gonna hang all this stuff?"

"Well how about if we hang that one over- no, already full."

"I banged her.  What?"

"I banged her, too."

"Over there is where Jeffrey and I first met.  See that statue over there?  It was right there, four weeks ago today."
"Oh Gregory stop it, you'll make me blush!"

"I banged her twice, once with her sister."

"Oh you are all so obsessed with ze Mona Lisa!  But does your Mona Lisa have hot girl-pinching-ze-nipple-of-anozzer-girl action?  Mais non!  Which painting should you be crowding around to look at?"

"You didn't know I have a place right down the street from here?  Oh yeah, it's got a great view!  You should, you should come check it out sometime.  Yeah, just you know any time you'd be welcome.  You could come now if you want.  Yeah, no that's cool, whenever."
"Whatchoo talkin' bout, Willis?"